OK, I admit it. I spend too much time on Facebook. I don’t stalk former loves – I’m not one to look back much, and come to think of it, don’t consider any of them to be the “the one that got away” – I leave them to what I hope is their good life and get on with mine. But I do take a pass through the musings of my pals with feverish regularity some days, especially on days where I have something far more important to do that I’m desperately avoiding doing. What? Procrastinate? Moi? But of course!!
And so, I’ve noticed the recent spate of “100 Somethings You Need To Do Before You Croak” lists and apps. They all seem to be designed to make you count what you’ve done and what you haven’t, and then assess your performance. Oh dear… I only got 38% of those… crap, I read all that Dickens and Chaucer but I guess that didn’t count (ah well…. like I remember them)… and I haven’t been to Outer Amazingly Exotic Island… probably don’t want to go if they have big bugs there anyway… and egad… do I have any idea where the heck it is?? No… dang, should have paid attention in class on that one. Or is it one of those things like Pluto, where sometimes it’s important? Maybe it wasn’t important when I was in school. Maybe, just maybe, I really was paying attention. Or maybe my brain isn’t as dodgy as it seems. No… it’s dodgy… I left the iron on yesterday to prove it…
I read these lists and am filled with performance anxiety. Books I should read. Places I need to visit in the US. Places I need to visit outside the US. Countries I should be able to locate on a map. Fear Factor level foods I should have tried. Movies I should revere (and probably snoozed through if they didn’t have a car chase or Hugh Jackman involved). Dog breeds I should be able to identify – and according to dog aficionados (one of whom I am plainly not), should have owned and allowed to sleep on my bed… you know the one that *I* sleep in that is covered in my precious quilts! Riiiiiight.
Who thinks these up? Who gets to decide that this city is worth it, but that one is not? That this Gothic cathedral outshines that one? That some obscure but undoubtedly important Serious Film is more worthy than Hugh Jackman’s nekkid torso in terms of celluloid joy? Which sadist decided that I need to eat both crickets and Hostess Pies in order to feel that my foodie cred is well rounded? WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I think I want to be one of them. But I’m going to do it backwards…. gonna make a list that makes me feel accomplished. A list that I can actually do, check them all off, score 100%. I don’t care that the list is manipulated – like every other one isn’t… I mean really… everyone should own a tea cup chihuahua? Be real… we’d all have to have prescription anxiety meds to deal with the nervousness by proxy.
And so here it is. The List of Quilts I Will NEVER Make:
1. Baltimore Album – it’s the A word and besides… there just aren’t enough hours left in my life.
2. Sunbonnet Sue – unless I can do one like I saw years ago that was a dozen ways to kill her… she had an axe coming out of her head in one block!
3. Feathered Star – shiver.
4. Another Stack ‘n’ Whack – unless some of that Alexander Henry Hunks fabric tempts me on a day that I have nothing better to do.
5. A watercolor landscape – I’m just not a florals girl
6. Grandmother’s Flower Garden – see #1.
7. Anything with a tea-dyed/country/prairie colored palette – GIVE ME COLOR or GIVE ME DEATH.
8. A Dear Jane – I really admire these, and love the recent bright interpretations, but nope, not gonna make one.
9. One of those raw edged, shreddy, raggy flannel things.
10. Anything involving minky.
11. And so on…..
Please feel free to tell me yours in the comments…. I will pick a random commenter on Sunday and get a free pattern to you! And if you make me snort my tea out of my nose, I will send you some Sew Sassy Buttons!
(D Minus image found here)